I'm part of a statistic that has been teetering on the cusp of old school notions and new school ideals for the past decade or more, and on either side I'll be met with disdain and judgment. The old thinking will perpetuate that there is no greater shame than a woman with a child & no man to support her, and the new way of thinking insists that I should have been smart enough to know better, that I've single handedly ruined my life and squandered my potential.
Maybe they are right, maybe they are wrong.
I don't want to let shame and fear hold me back. I don't want to let the perceptions of others tear me down and convince me that I shouldn’t try. I want to teach my daughter that having the conviction to achieve - despite the difficulty of a situation - is invaluable.
I am independent. I'm raising a little human, on my own. I am curious. I'm searching for the best ways to raise her: and will stop at nothing to make sure I'm giving her the best I can. I am open minded, I have to be. I am raising her, without the benefit of a full time partner, and most solutions to life’s dailies are my sole responsibility. I know that time is the most valuable commodity.
So, in a way - I have to say thank you to him for going on with his life and being the selfish human being that my Father always warned me about. Regardless of everything, I’ve come to accept that after a difficult relationship that ended horribly, he won't be part of our lives now. I use to hate him for it. But now? I could say thank you a thousand times over - because by being alone, he has left me the joys of raising my future daughter to be a good person.
By leaving him, I've allowed myself to one day, maybe find someone better suited for the situation that I'm in. Someone who will offer to help. He has allowed me to someday meet a great person that is deserving of what I have to give, share, and enjoy my life with - so thank you.
This will likely be one of my biggest accomplishments because it has shown me that I am capable of anything. At 21, I was scared out of my mind, but I didn’t run away. Instead of getting rid of the situation I pushed forward and overcame the obstacles that were set before me.
Being brutally honest, there's nights I've cried my heart out with worry that I can't provide. There's days I've walked through city centres with my head down as even a glimpse of anything baby related or happy couples would make it all oh so real that I couldn't do it - but who was I kidding? Here I am, 39 weeks pregnant and praying every uncomfortable pain I get is my baby on her way to meet me. I cant wait to meet her, I can't wait to show the world what I have done, from every clean nappy, to every hair on her head. That was me. I'm not ashamed to be a single parent, I'm not embarrassed, and in honesty I pity anyone with the chip on their shoulder to think they can look down on me. One day when she gets older and starts to understand more: she is going to realise who raised her, who sacrificed, and standing beside her I'll beam with pride and know every second was worth it.
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